KEEPING IT REAL
I am so tired. This is a level of tired I have never experienced before. I hurt from my head to my toes. Even my face hurts! What the heck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I start out the morning by posting in a couple of my support groups seeking the - this is normal - affirmation. Not normal, normal but normal training for an IronDistance race and in peak normal. The biggest response I got was EAT SOMETHING!!! Everyone that knows me knows I have food issues. From 225# (2010) to a now 151# (with a bunch of up and downs in between). I watch everything that enters my mouth and log it in MFP. I try to keep my macros on plan. I have been doing this even on training days. BUT this past weekend we had a 5.5 hour bike followed the next day by a 2.5 hour run and a 1.5 hour swim. I fueled the actual workouts well but where I under fueled was AFTER. There were a lot of people at my house. They were working on my Mother in Law's deck. She was supposed to cook for them. Well that turned out being me cooking for them which I had not prepared for and it meant I would not eat enough to make sure everyone else had plenty. Monday was a rest day. Tuesday came...... Personal Trainer session..... First time doing leg strength in 4 weeks. He stated he was going easy on the weight. It was fine when I did it... EXCEPT Bulgarian split squats ----they are never FINE!! I was supposed to run when I got home but I just had no energy. I was so tired. I had only been sleeping about 2 hours each night from 9pm-11pm and then my brain is wide awake. It is listing for me all the things we need to be doing, everything we need to get ready, all the things we keep putting off. I am so tired but I cannot SLEEP. So, Tuesday I bought some 5mg quick melt Melatonin pills. I took the Melatonin about 8:30pm. I awoke at 11pm but was able to go right back to sleep. I awoke a few more times throughout the night but the brain did not start listing things. Instead I would drift back to sleep.
Wednesday morning - better known as MELTDOWN DAY. My alarm went off and Wednesday mornings are swim days but I knew right away that probably was not going to happen. I packed my swim and gym bag in case I felt better later (after work). I took my time getting ready since I had an extra hour and a half. I went to work. I looked like a zombie walking and almost fell asleep driving the car to work. I get to work. I eat breakfast. Anytime I go to speak I choke up and tears come. I could be talking about eggs and tears come. I could talk about logging into the system ... tears...... OMG I am NOT going to make it through this day. Never mind the fact that my legs are revolting WILDLY to the leg strength routine done yesterday and it hurts to even touch my thighs much less use them for walking, standing, or even sitting. I have to work through a couple of issues, but I tell my boss I need to go home at lunch time. She agrees this would be a good idea. One the way home I stop by PaPa Johns and get pizza and THEN stop by Smithfield's BBQ and get a large BBQ plate with coleslaw and potato salad. I get home. My mother in law is at my house. She asks if I am OK (which seamed to be the theme of the day since everyone that saw me was inquiring). I managed to mumble out a, "NOPE I AM NOT OK" and that was it. I texted my wonderful husband to let him know I am home. He asks, "Are you OK?" I respond again, "Nope, even my face hurts." He responds by telling me to, "Ride 80 miles on a bike in 100 degree temps again" .....(therapeutic response).....
.....................ANYWAY......................
I sit down in my recliner, shaking all over at this point, with my BBQ plate. I eat most of it and then move on to 2 pieces of pizza. Then I took myself to bed. I awoke about 3pm to what I thought was the whole house shaking. Then I thought Danielle must have put a big load of wash in the washer (she was cleaning her room), and I went back to sleep. Turns out when I got up at 5pm she had not been washing clothes so no clue what me feeling like the house was shaking was. I felt better after the nap and had a couple more pieces of pizza for dinner. I contemplated getting on my bike but I never quite worked up the energy. 7:30pm I took the Melatonin and had 2 more pieces of pizza. 8:45pm off to bed.
It is now Thursday. I am up 5 pounds from Tuesday morning thanks to my insatiable appetite yesterday, but at this point I just have to feed it. We have another long weekend ahead. Breakfast was 2 biscuits with butter and jelly. I cannot tell you the last time I had a biscuit but I know it was before May, 2016! OMG it was GOOD!!!!!!!!!!! My legs still hurt like hell from Tuesdays workout. I look like a 90 year old trying to walk. I have on compression pants under my work pants. Personal trainer and spin class after work. YEAH!
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